Two college students, Frank and Matt, are riding on a New York City
subway when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change. Frank
adamantly rejects the man in disgust. Matt, on the other hand, whips out
his wallet, pulls out a couples of singles and gladly hands them over to
the beggar with a smile. 
The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues on to the other
passengers. Frank is outraged by his friend's act of generosity. "What
on earth did you do that for?" shouts Frank. "You know he's only going
to use it on drugs or booze." 
Matt replies, "And we weren't?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A trailer park babe goes into a hardware store and starts looking around
as if trying to find something. 
"May I help you," the burly male clerk asks. 
"I'm looking for a hinge," replies the trailer park bimbo. 
The Clerk dutifully leads the toothless young lady down to aisle eleven
and proceeds to show her an assorted array of hinges. After much
examination of the hinges, she picks the one she prefers. 
"Would you like a screw for that hinge?" asks the clerk. 
"No," the bimbo replies, "But, I'll blow you for that toaster."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A woman walks past three men in the office who are all bemoaning the
fact they are about to be audited during the coming month. 
Says the first guy with a groan, "I'm screwed!" 
"I'm screwed, too!" says the other guy, slapping his forehead. 
"Guys, I am about to be fucked beyond all recognition by this audit!"
exclaims the third guy in anguish. 
Just then, one of the guys notices the woman who has been standing there
listening. She now has a very thoughtful look on her face. "Are you OK?"
asks the guy. 
"Yes," replies the woman, "but I was wondering... How do I go about
getting audited?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The truck driver stopped to picked up the girl hitchhiker in short
shorts. 
"Say, What's your name, mister?" she inquired, after she climbed up in
the truck. 
"It's Snow...Roy Snow," he answered, "and what's yours?" "I'm
June...June Hansen," she said. 
"Hey, why do you keep sizing me up with those sidelong glances?" she
challenged the trucker some miles down the road. "Can you imagine what
it might be like," he countered with a question of his own, "having
eight inches of Snow in June?" 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I think I have a problem, Doc." says the patient, "One of my balls has
turned blue." 
The doctor examines the man briefly and concludes the patient will die
if he doesn't have his testicle removed. 
"Are you crazy?" bursts the patient, "How could I let you do such a
thing to me!" 
"You want to die?" asks the doctor rhetorically, and the patient has to
agree to have his testicle removed. 
Two weeks after the operation, he comes back. "Doc, I don't know how to
say this, but the other ball has turned blue, too." Again, the doctor
tells him if he wants to live, his other testicle must be cut off, too,
and, again, the man is very reluctant to the idea. "Hey, you want to
die?" asks the doc, and the patient has to agree with the operation.
But, about two weeks after he is testicleless, he returns to the doctor.
"I think something is very wrong with me. My penis is now completely
blue." 
After briefly examining the patient, the doc gives him the bad news: if
he wants to live, his penis has to go. Of course, he does not want to
hear about it. 
"You want to die?" asks the doctor.
"But... how do I pee?" 
"We'll install an plastic pipe, and there will be no problem." So, he
has his penis removed, and, a while after the operation, the unfortunate
man enters, again, the doctor's office. He is very angry. "Doctor, the
plastic pipe turned blue!" 
"What?" 
"Can you tell me what the hell is happening!?" So, the doctor examines
the patient more carefully and says, "Hmmm, I don't know, could it be
the jeans?" 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man and a woman were waiting in line at the hospital donation center.
Man: "What are you doing here today?" Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate
some blood. They're going to give me $5 for it." Man: "Hmm, that's
interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25." 
The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more
before going their separate ways. Several months later, the same man and
woman meet again in the same line. 
Man: "Hi there! Here to donate blood again?"
Woman: (shaking her head with mouth closed) "Unh unh." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The guy considered himself lucky to have been able to attract and bed
such a luscious looking dish. 
He was even considering trying to establish a relationship instead of
just a one night stand. But he couldn't help but wonder why she wasn't
already in one. 
"I can't help feeling that we've met before". he said. 
"Yeah, I know". sighed the girl stretching. "It happens to me a lot. I
think they call this 'deja screw'.