Josh was helping Sally, the blonde, clean out the trunk of her car.
Inside, he noticed a bag labeled "Emergency Repair Kit".  Looking at it a
little closer, he noticed a stick of dynamite inside.   Thinking that was
a bit strange, he asked Sally what it was for.   
   

She said, "It's part of my emergency repair kit."   
   
Josh said, "I can see that, but why?"   
   
Sally replied, "In case I have a flat and need to blow up one of my
tires."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this
creative defense:

"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and
removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I
fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense
committed by his limb."

"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence
the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it
or not, as he chooses."

The defendant smiled.

With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb,
laid it on the bench, and walked out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Little Johnny was in school one day when the teacher 
brought around cookies for snack time.  

"Here, Little Johnny, have a cookie."

"I don't fucking want one," declared Johnny.

The teacher was shocked. She called Little Johnny's mother 
and scheduled her to come in for a meeting the next day.

When Little Johnny's mother arrived, the teacher had her 
hide behind the curtain until snack time came around.

As she came to Little Johnny, she again told him, 

"Here Little Johnny.  It's time for your cookie."

"I don't fucking want one," stated Little Johnny again.

The teacher pulled aside the curtain and said to his mother, 

"See? Did you hear what he said?"

"So?" said his mother, "Don't fucking give him one."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In Sunday School, they were teaching how God created everything, including
human beings.  Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him
how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.  

Later in the week, his mother noticed him lying down as though he were
ill, and said, 

"Johnny what is the matter?"  

Little Johnny responded, 

"I have a pain in my side.  I think I'm going to have a wife."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened
upon a frog in a pond.  The frog said to the princess, 

"I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One
kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry,
move into the castle with my mom, and you can prepare my meals,
clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so."
     

That night, while the princess dined on frog legs, she kept laughing and
saying, 

"I don't think so."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes one
look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. He
immediately tells her to undress.

After she has disrobed, he begins to stroke her thigh. As he does this he
says to the woman, 

"Do you know what I'm doing?"

"Yes," she says, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological
abnormalities."

"That is correct," says the doctor. He then begins to fondle her breasts.

"Do you know what I'm doing now?" he asks.

"Yes," says the woman, "you're checking for any lumps or breast cancer."

"That's right," replies the doctor. He then begins to have sexual
intercourse with the woman.

He says to her, "Do you know what I'm doing now?"

"Yes," she says. "You're getting herpes, which is why I came here in the
first place."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was a married couple who were in a terrible accident. The woman's
face was burned severely. The doctor told the husband they couldn't graft
any skin from her body because she was so skinny. The husband then donated
some of his skin...however, the only place suitable to the doctor was from
his buttocks. The husband requested that no one be told of this, because
after all,... this was a very delicate matter!

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's
new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever did before! All of
her friends and relatives just ranted and raved at her youthful
beauty! She was alone with her husband one day & she wanted to thank him
for what he did. She said, 

"Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me! There is no
way I could ever repay you!!! 

He replied, 

"Oh don't worry, Honey, I get plenty thanks enough every time your mother
comes over and kisses you on your cheek!!